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For many parents of preschoolers, child care is a fact of life. But young children often handle goodbyes with tears, tantrums and clinging, making separations stressful and frustrating for everyone. Here are some practical tips for helping your child overcome separation anxiety.
Explain to your child ahead of time what is going to happen so they know what to expect. Be specific about what kinds of things the child will be doing at daycare or preschool. Include things like eating, drinking, resting and bathrooming in your explanation so your child will understand that these basic needs will be met.
Explain where you will be and what you will be doing while you are away. State it matter-of-factly, as something grownups have to do. Going to work or school is not a choice for you and going to daycare is not a choice for your child.
Take your child on several visits to the center or home before he starts going there regularly. This will give him the chance to gradually get to know his teachers, the other children and the routine.
Help your child learn to say the names of his teachers and the names of the other children in the preschool.
Avoid a morning rush. Choose outfits and pack lunch bags the night before. Make a simple picture schedule to help your child learn what must be done in the morning before you leave. For example, a drawing of some clothes, a bowl of cereal and a toothbrush will remind your child about getting dressed, eating breakfast and brushing his teeth. Let him check off each chore as he completes it.
Your child might feel more secure if he has something of yours to hold on to during the day, like a scarf or glove. A photograph of you tucked in his cubby or lunch box is comforting, too.
When you bring your child in to preschool, arrive early enough so that you won't have to dash off immediately. Include enough time to share any important information with the teachers. You may want to read a short book with your child or play with him for a couple of minutes before saying goodbye. Set a limit on how long you will stay. For example, you might tell your child that you will read one book or play with blocks for five minutes.
Let your child know when you will be coming back, using the preschool's schedule to mark off chunks of the day. For example, you might say, "I will be back after you wake up from nap and have your snack."
Don't linger too long as this only adds more anxiety to the situation. Encourage your child to go to the window and wave to you as you leave. Never sneak out without saying goodbye to your child.
If an emergency comes up and your pick-up plans change during the day, call your provider as soon as possible and ask him or her to explain the change to your child.
Overcoming separation anxiety takes time. Your child will learn through consistent experience that each goodbye is soon followed by your happy return.
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