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Balances are nearly always difficult things to accomplish. Too much of nearly anything will result in negative consequences. It is the same way with parental love—or at least the showing of it. From their child’s infancy through a certain (variable) age parents are allowed to show their affection for their kids verbally and physically—by kissing or hugging or holding hands—with no fear of their child being embarrassed or offended.
At some point, however, a child begins to redefine the bonds he has with his parents and the relationships he has with his friends. At this point he will be insecure and as a result will not want his/her parents showing their affection for him/her in public—or at least in front of his friends. As he grows a little older this tends to spread even to people he doesn’t know. At first a parent can’t kiss their child in front of their friends for fear of what their friends might think. Later, this insecurity tends to spread to the general public. If, for instance, a 16 year old is in public with a parent (unlikely in itself) and the parent tries to give him/her a hug or kiss, the teen is going to be embarrassed because they’re around people of the same insecurity level as they are.
Eventually, in most cases, you (as a parent) aren’t even allowed to hug or kiss your child in private due to their insecurity (and desire for maturity and not needing their parents) level increasing. This presents great problems in showing affection. Some parents simply give up on trying to convey their love to their children. It’s simply too difficult to find a way both can agree on.
Unfortunately, this presents a much larger problem. People whose parents don’t show affection to them tend to forget that their parents still love them. The children think that since the parents can’t find a non-embarrassing way to show their affection they must no longer be loved. Children don’t realize that their parents are doing their best to find ways to convey affection, just to no avail. Children of unloving parents are more likely to be depressed and to find outlets for the lack of attention in less desirable things such as social mischievousness.
It’s not easy for parents to find the balance here. I recommend sitting your child down and asking for a serious talk. Explain the situation and the need to find a balance and simply tell him/her “I love you.” Explain that you may not always be able to show or say it due to your fears about his/her potential embarrassment, but that you know it’s important for you somehow to make clear anyway. In this way you avoid a number of the problems which arise when parents can’t manage to tell/show their love to their children without fear of hurting them (by embarrassment).
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